Robinhood Now Delivers Cash Like Takeout
The trading app’s new Gopuff-powered cash-to-your-door service is being sold as a luxury banking perk, apparently targeted at people closing all those “last second at-home cash transactions”
BREAKING NEWS
Robinhood has now decided that ATMs are also for ‘the olds.’ The trading app is rolling out a new banking feature: on-demand cash delivery straight to your apartment, courtesy of Gopuff.
For $6.99 (or $2.99 if you’ve got more than $100,000 parked in Robinhood), a delivery driver will show up at your door with a sealed paper bag full of cash pulled from your Robinhood bank account. It’s part of the company’s push into “luxury-adjacent” banking, the same campaign that includes teased perks like discounted helicopter rides and (wait for it) potential Met Gala access. Nothing says democratizing finance like giving the masses a faint chance of being glared at by Ann Wintour.
The service is already live in New York and will hit San Francisco, Philly, D.C., and more cities soon. To play, you need Robinhood Gold ($5 per month) and at least $1,000 in direct deposits. Cash runs from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m., which feels like a noble attempt to signal legitimacy but also, maybe a little way too early?
Robinhood’s VP of Money, Deepak Rao, framed the move to the WSJ as the logical next step in a world where “everything gets delivered to their house from burritos to medicine.” And, sure, why not cash? Why not transform the most bank-branch-ass activity into the gig-economy equivalent of ordering ChapStick at midnight?
But let’s be honest. If not for the 7pm thing, this service feels carefully engineered for one particular demographic: people waiting for someone to come over selling drugs or “shared company.”
Who else truly needs emergency cash delivered to their living room on short notice? Who else is trapped in the awkward purgatory of “I’ll be there in 15” texts that stretch into geological epochs? Who else is stuck in apartments where ATMs are technically “two blocks away,” but the vibes outside say “you sure about this?”
If Robinhood really wants to make this work, it should sell users on this scenario: You’ve got 12 minutes before your “guest” arrives. Your wallet has $4. Your Venmo says “insufficient funds.” And your dignity left years ago. Suddenly, a Gopuff courier shows up with $80 in a paper bag like the world’s most illicit pizza. Your doorbell arrives. The transaction concludes. Everyone gets on with their night. And all it cost you was $6.99.
Vlad Tenev and his marketing team might want to ignore pitching the traceable transaction that can be used against you at a later date.
Forget private bankers. Robinhood users now get cash delivery… and everything that it pays for.
© MOBY TECHNOLOGIES
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